Halloween in Madison is loosely organized chaos. For the most part, it is finding the balance between finding which parties have yet to be shut down and the bars with no cover and a short line. Generally, it’s just a lot of walking because you will get halfway to a party and someone will get a text saying it’s over. Then you walk back to your apartment on the other side of campus and get another text saying it has moved to this location. Being sober and freezing, this normally just makes me crabby, but that’s not to say Halloween is a lost cause and only a source of personal anger and annoyance.
The greatest part of Freakfest and Halloween actually happens between 7-10 AM and is an unofficial holiday that I look forward to every year. I like to call it “The Got Laid Parade.” I heard this term on the Internet somewhere and whoever originally created it is a genius. It’s perfect because that’s essentially what it is. It’s a parade of people in disheveled costumes, squinting into the light, jaunting down State Street, just trying to make it home before it gets too embarrassing.
What makes this “holiday” so fun is that the costumes make everything 10 times better because you definitely know what they’ve been up to or at least tried to accomplish and sometimes the costume just fits the mood perfectly. Usually I’ll wake up early Friday, Saturday or Sunday morning (Sunday is the best time because of post Freakfest ridiculousness) and find a spot in a coffee shop with the best view of State Street. Then just sit and wait. I do this every year and I definitely like some costumes more than others.
By far my favorite costume to see is Dorothy because I just laugh to myself and hear the little voice in my head going, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. Just click your heals together and avoid all this awkward.” I want to say something witty to them like, “Follow the yellow brick road, you’ll make it to the Emerald City don’t you worry,” or something awkward about the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, or maybe even the Wizard. But I stop myself because I know they already feel so uncomfortable.
Another crowd favorite is the Disney Princesses or any character from a kid’s movie. Mostly because it’s just so wrong. What they did last night was definitely not PG. How could something so wholesome turn into something so dirty? It kind of ruins some of my favorite movies for a while. For example, Despicable Me now I know what all those minions are up to when Gru leaves them alone. It also might explain why there are so many of them.
I don’t really know how I feel about super heroes because on the one hand Superman swept you off your feet and “saved” you. I’m pretty sure this fulfills some sort of weird fantasy for some people. But on the other hand you just hooked up with a man in a thin onesie with fake muscles that doesn’t look all that super when he’s hungover the morning after. Plus when they are walking in the light of day you realize those suits do not leave anything to the imagination. You can see anything and everything. Sometimes that is a little hard to stomach at 7:30 AM.
Sexy [Blank] Costumes are the pièce de résistance because they don’t translate well to day wear. Usually they somehow became ripped, rumpled, or more ill-fitting during the night, so I can either see your butt or your boobs or both. The same goes for guys those tiny little shorts got a little stretched out while they were sleeping and they should probably make sure that everything is secure and not trying to say hello. It’s even better when they grab a shirt or something to try to disguise the fact that they were once a beer maid or pirate. You aren’t foolin’ anyone honey so just embrace it. As the old adage says, “Lean into discomfort.”
After watching all these people, I have a lot of questions. Do they stay in character during their little fling? Do things get weird? How does it feel to wake up next to the Incredible Hulk? These are things maybe I’ll be bold enough to ask. There is always next year.
Cheers!